Entry 11

It's Christmas tomorrow! And Hannukah has already begun!

And also yes, climate change is still a thing, probably even more so now that ppl are ignoring covid more than before and just str8 up flying and driving everywhere to their vacations. Sigh. It is freeeeezing where I'm at, but probably not colder than the midwestern with that giant blizzard washing over America rn

I don't get a vacation myself tho, I'm working at a new job now that they finally hired me but... it's a nursing home so we really don't get days off. Luckily, they're flexible with their schedule as long as I call ahead early enough, so I'm good with it. Not like I had any holiday plans anyways, I usually hang with my friends after New Years.

Plus, the extra money we make working holidays is gonna be great to have, now that I have a ton of stuff to catch up on like paying back credit cards and repaying bills I'm late on. I got my check from my old job fuckin finally and the money in my bank account feels great now that I'm no longer paranoid about starvation, but it's not nearly enough for me to catch up on rent while juggling my other bills. Not to mention I have to pay back a friend for helping me get my car out of a tow lot...

Anyways, I'm rambling! What I'm trying to say is that financial troubles are (kind of) over! And just in time for the holidays, which is great. I'm no longer as deep into my sznal depression as I was a week ago when I was only leaving the house to do DoorDash or run errands. I do like to work... well, mostly to have something to do besides rot at home, I just hate that we live in a society that forces us to work... or else we die. That is just lame. Plus, I can already tell going back to my regular 8-4 schedule that the slim time I have in the sunlight during this cold ass winter is not going to be beneficial, so I guess I have to take advantage of my good mood now cuz uh I know it won't last.

Everyone at my new job is nice enough, and it doesn't suck as much as I thought it would but like being crammed into a small laundry room folding the same sheets and towels all day can get a little... depressing. Hope it doesn't drag me down too much

After all, I'm supposed to be training to do housekeeping as well and clean the rooms where the patients stay (not... very excited for that either but at least then I get to walk around and stretch my legs!) so hopefully that changes the monotony of things a lil.

I told my friend I was working in a nursing home now and she texted back that she'd rather work fast food than ever step into a nursing home lmfao

Honestly, it doesn't seem that bad so far? The worst I've experienced in my 2 days of working so far is just the feces and urine that constantly come in the bags of dirty laundry I have to do, but that's not so bad when you remember that shit (literally lol) comes from old 80-90 year old ppl whose pelvic floors are just weak. It's not like they're shitting themselves on purpose! I'd rather clean shit off the floor of a senior citizen's bathroom than clean shit off of a store or restaurant bathroom from adults who should know better.

Plus, I have to do exactly 0 percent customer service. Just wave, say hi to the old people and the coworkers, then go in and pick up dirty laundry and ship it back to the laundry room. Easy peasy. The most annoying ppl so far are the patients' family members who try to rummage thru our laundry pile looking for their mom or dad's blanket or something, but I mean that's not really my business.

Either way, I'm happy to have a job before I perished. Yeah, I can survive off these last paychecks just fine but being holed up in the house during the cold weather was not doing my mental health any good. I'm glad I can get into a new building with new ppl now, even tho I really liked my last job... oh well. Things happen for a reason I guess.

I hope y'all are having a good winter holiday, whoever's reading this. Whatever you celebrate, try to make it a good one bc I have a deep dark feeling inside that things may not be so... easy any time in the future. I'm trying really hard to just save as much money as I can, and that's def gonna be a big new years resolution for 2023 bc I have had it up to my ears with all this financial bullshit. I know I'm never gonna budget my way out of poverty but goddamnit am I tired of being thrown from job to job, starving in order not to lose my car, biting my nails every time the 1st comes around bc I know I can't afford rent yet AGAIN! I'm actually going to try to keep this job and budget correctly. That means no bullshit spending, future Mars!

Anyways, here's to hoping we survive the next few years to come! If capitalism is so ruthless now I can't even imagine how shitty the next few years are gonna be as our economy inevitably shifts, changes and takes more nosedives. If this cold chill this year doesn't kill us ofc hahaha! *insert sweat emoji here*