Entry 6

Damn it's been a minute since my last entry huh. I have been... party rocking in the house a lil too much this month, way more than I thought I even would!

All I've been doing is going out to party during the weekends, watching horror movies at home when I'm not and basically just getting into the Halloween spirit! But as always... there's the ever-present anxiety in the background about money and my finances... as usual *eyeroll*

We're not getting into that tho, I've been trying to save up as much money and resisting the temptation of all these Halloween events and sales. I would have LOVED to decorate my place better, but these dollar store Halloween decorations will just have to do lmao

But yeah, Halloween movies and shows for me it is! I even created a list of horror movies that I wanted to go thru as the month went on, but work and partying is really getting in the way of that @_@ Not that I'm complaining! I wanted to go to at least 1 Halloween party this month for sure, putting myself out there, etc etc but damn I was not expecting to keep being invited out lmfao

But my list is almost halfway complete. I've been revisiting some old movies I watched years and years ago and also watching movies I've never seen before. It sucks being a poor lil kid who loves horror movies, I felt like I was the only one who loved horror but even if I wasn't I bet my poverty-stricken family wouldn't have spent a cent on tickets to the movies. So, ofc, I missed out on a lot that I didn't happen to catch playing on TV. My fondest memories were going over to a friend's apartment to hang out and watch movies with them, they seemed to enjoy Nightmare On Elm Street and Seed of Chucky more than most ppl I knew. I think that lowkey was the thing that really launched me into my horror hobby, even tho at a young age I really didn't realize it.

So far, I've been able to finally watch Ginger Snaps, The Audition, Splinter and the entirety of Nosferatu. I rewatched The Babadook like I mentioned before, that movie lowkey triggered me. The depiction of depression and cycles of abuse in that movie is spine-chillingly accurate. I also got to finally watch Midsommar (don't laugh, I tried several times before I finally just resorted to pirating it lmao) and man that movie certainly deserved every minute of attention it got. That shit was heavy af!

I love horror so damn much I found a playlist of video essays on Youtube about horror movies, art, creepy concepts and overall horrifying themes in everyday life. I'm slowly working thru that as well while I'm at work with no chance of watching horror movies on my phone. I don't get how ppl enjoy watching movies on their tiny phone screens? Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I think the best experience (and really, the only experience) you can have with movies is on a big screen.

Honestly, where did my love of horror even come from? I have no clue, none of my family members are into it, and none of my friends are even into horror all that much. I joke that they're cowards for not enjoying horror movies or even being able to watch psychological thrillers but I get that the movies and the themes presented in them can be super intense. I'm not just a slasher enjoyer or anything, altho I sure do love my blood and guts. Yeah, Saw and Final Destination are fun, but I love a good shitty B-rated 80's horror romp just as much as I love The Hills Have Eyes. Not only that, but I really love the psychological and existential pivot that horror is taking nowadays with Jordan Peele and Ari Aster leading the frontlines atm.

I just love horror in general! Horror games, disturbing theories, true crime (altho I try to avoid it now mostly bc it's been beaten to death and exploited lately), ghost stories and myths, etc etc. It's so telling of the mindset of a generation when you can take a look back and read the stories of their anxieties, it's not a secret that horror as a genre is the #1 vehicle for political commentary, satire, criticisms of the status quo, etc. The 50's were filled with horror of alien invaders amid the Red Scare and Cold War. 60's and 70's movies focused on weird science and tech advancement going awry. 80's went on about the Satanic Panic and cults, serial killers still striking fear in the hearts of most Americans, and then the 90's saw a curious shift to more existential topics such as in Donnie Darko. The Matrix isn't a horror movie really, but those themes of living in a capitalist rat race and suffocating under the mundane existence of it all are still always present. Even comics from the 90's-- all that edgy grim-darkness it's known for-- always have something to say about the humble cubicle office job.

And now? What are ppl from the future taking away from our collective anxieties and worries made real on the big screen? Now we're fearful of bigotry, capitalism, cycles of abuse and collectively having existential crises as our economic structures fall all around us. We're growing up collectively as people who are more than aware of the systemic shit we have to put up with as a result of hundreds of years of imperialism and greed. There's anxious populations everywhere, the most capitalistic of countries watching the rise of several white supremacist groups infiltrating govts (esp US and UK... I heard Aus ain't doing so good either), Russia waging war and ravaging eastern EU... yeah it's looking pretty grim atm

We're collectively turning inward after decades of being told that if we just wage war against a certain country, our economy will Be Better! There will be More Jobs! Just keep working!! Work work, feed the capitalistic beast. It's bullshit. More ppl are waking up and that's more often than not being reflected in the very mirror humans have been carrying for eons now; horror. We're getting movies that still have ghosts, demons, magic etc of course but those serve as metaphors for actual problems in our lives. The demon in Hereditary represented family trauma passed down from generation to generation, The Babadook isn't a boogeyman, he's the representation of depression and grief and the alien in NOPE is supposed to serve as a lesson for ppl who do nothing but abuse animals for fame and monetary gain. Same thing has been happening for decades in horror now; Dracula was the personification of disease and the amalgamation of fear against foreigners, Alien and The Thing commented on the horrors of sexual assault and being forced to carry a fetus to term against your will (your body being used without your consent to host life), the entire message of The Hills Have Eyes (2006 ver) wasn't that "ooo cannibals bad" but that the horrors of war (esp post-9/11) aren't worth the suffering of entire families, including ours. Even Japanese horror was severely shaped post-WWII after the nuclear bombs were dropped.

I hold on to my love of horror staunchly. So many ppl see guts and blood and roll their eyes, acting like they're above it all but ppl who turn away from horror as a legitimate genre as intelligent as any art-house film are missing out on a lot. There's a reason it never goes away, humans need a form of story-telling to get the anxieties of their generation out there, give the fear a voice. It's just as innate as dancing, creating, singing and having sex. Fear is what makes us human right?

Hoping that I'll be able to finish my list soon tho lmao, not that I'm on a time limit or anything bc like I said before, I always watch horror movies outside of spooky szn but there's so many good movies out there that I need to get to. I'm just so excited! Now thanks to the power of pirating I can pretty much watch any movie I want for free. Now all I have to do is just find the time to sit down and watch them @_@