Entry 22

So! I'm back :)

And since I've been able to watch more video essays at my job, there's this... interesting trend going on on my youtube feed and tumblr dashboard lately that I've been noticing. I've done a little bit of research on this topic mostly bc I am def interested in this whole thing, as I am always keeping an eye on community, public policies and politics in general. I'm not... as gung-ho about it as I used to be when I was a fiery teenager just getting into politics ofc but I am still affected by this shit! So I keep tabs on it!

As y'all might've guessed from the title, we're delving more into the social side of things this time.

I've always kinda.... alluded to this trend of the Loneliness Epidemic before, the hyper-individualistic nature of the US as a whole, but I never really saw it become such a popular talking point in my life before now. I think I always condemned hyper-individualism in this country even as a teen, but it's really now after the initial start of the pandemic that a lot of ppl are finally coming to grips with the fact that every. Single. Part of our society is inherently unhealthy and simply unsustainable.

And it's leaked from politics and public policy str8 into our individual lives, down to the interactions we have as people.

Now if y'all don't know what the Loneliness Epidemic really is, the US surgeon general Dr. Vivek Murthy declared that our country is-- and was for several decades now--in a societal social deficit that affects our health.... really badly. In his op-ed for the New York Times he stated that "Loneliness is more than just a bad feeling. When people are socially disconnected, their risk of anxiety and depression increases. So does their risk of heart disease (29 percent), dementia (50 percent), and stroke (32 percent). The increased risk of premature death associated with social disconnection is comparable to smoking daily — and may be even greater than the risk associated with obesity."

The rest of that article is eye-opening and also a little sweet, but it also touches upon a very very important part of all of this: the lack of public policy and pro-social infrastructure that can bridge the widening gap between individuals and community. In this video for ABC News, an interview was held consulting psychologist Dr. Gardere's opinion on Dr. Murthy's op-ed and interview on this topic. Gardere also agreed that the solution to this loneliness is a group effort. He, like most old-ish ppl, did sort of condemn social media as a fuel to this loneliness... but more on my opinion about that later. He goes on to state that, yes while social media is... def not helping, he also acknowledges and advises that more can be done on the govt's part.

Accessible public transportation, not shutting down parks and libraries, mobilizing the health sector, paid family leave etc etc

YEAH, basically everything that ppl have been demanding for years now LMFAO yeah, common sense. This is nothing new to most working class ppl and we have been watching the steady erosion of pro-social infrastructure for decades now. When skate parks and malls shut down, No Loitering signs are put up, when dance halls and events get cancelled, and teenagers can't hang out anywhere without being harassed by adults, when public transportation is whittled away slowly, and when more and more Third Places and neighborhoods are closed down to pave more parking lots or highways, we knew exactly what was going on. We knew what that meant. We knew what sort of message was being sent with every park being closed down and every public bench being removed. All the hostile architecture sent only one message very loudly and clearly: you're not welcome here as a human. You're only welcome here as a walking wallet.

And like, to me, this is just so very obviously a clear symptom of late stage capitalism. Like... it's perfectly just that. Late stage capitalism.

Think about it, if you know what sort of environment capitalism fosters (esp after Milton Friedman stepped into the game and fucked absolutely everything up, may that bastard burn nicely in hell!) you know that monetarism reigns supreme. It's also just the very nature of capitalism and its infinite growth structure that we're slowly but surely falling into this black hole where absolutely everything must make money. It's all gotta have a price tag, monetary worth, dollar value. That moolah is king, and no one can topple it from its blood-covered throne.

That means every time a youtuber films their trauma and capitalizes on the clicks, that's monetarism. Shady MLM huns flooding your inbox trying to rope you into their schemes? Monetarism. Influencers shilling shady snake oil and booking it with the ad revenue? Monetarism. LSC has absolutely destroyed human connection thanks to the insidious nature of monetarism and the general idea that if it ain't winning someone a paycheck, its gotta go. It's why there are ads filling every single webpage, every video and movie online (shoutout to ublock origin thooo), every segment on your fave youtubers videos. Everything is sucked into the gig economy, like Uber and Doordash and AirBNB.

So ofc this also means that if there is no easy money to be made, not even from an interaction online (and its why I think online dating is also poisonous, bc it forces ppl to commodify other ppl's bodies and lives) then it's inherently worthless. This has seeped into our daily interactions with ppl, and it's why I believe that most ppl feel as though most of their friendships nowadays are shallow and transactional.

Because they are! We've been brainwashed by dating app UIs and social media "friendships" to view every interaction we have as needing to be transactional in order to be valid. If you can't make money or get sex or earn fame off of someone you met, then... to hell with them, right? I wish I saved a video I saw on Twitter a long time ago about a man talking about the shockingly depersonalized structure of online dating. He mentioned smthn like "every human set before us whether on screen or in person is a whole person with dreams and emotions and memories. If you don't click with them romantically, then its ok to view them as a friend! Don't throw them away like a used napkin if you don't end up in relationship."

But in such a heavily monetised society, who can blame anyone? Even if social media didn't exist, the very nature of an infinite growth economy would've found a way to monetise our relationships and rip them of all semblance of human empathy anyways.

And like I mentioned before, I truly believe that social media isn't... exactly helping us in our struggle for human connection ofc but uhhhh it's not the root cause of all evils here either. Social media is a coping mechanism, an escape from reality sometimes, and-- as most coping mechanisms often are-- a reflection of our society. It isn't our phones that are holding us apart, preventing us from meeting up with our besties at a nearby cafe. It's the societal problems that the aforementioned solutions can fix.

It's the giant winding roads and highways with no walkable or bike-friendly infrastructure, it's the 50-plus hours a week most ppl have to work in order to barely stay afloat. It's the atrocious housing prices and inflation that steal our spaces to simply meet up and hang out at, it's the hostile architecture that deprive us of nice places to simply sit and rest and appreciate nature without the looming threat of cops. It's all of these things compounded to create an anti-social hellscape. And don't mistake the usage of "anti-social" either, that word is being used correctly here LOL

But like Dr. Murthy has pointed out (and in the genius Britney Spears' own words), this loneliness is killing us. Whether it's bc of the actual real risks of a declining health that social isolation brings us, or in Kidology's case, the difficulty of dealing with a total and distinct lack of sympathy for a human life in real need of help, this disconnect and lack of humanity will bring about a sad whimpering end for all of us if we don't do anything about it.

So... are we doing smthn about all of this? Well... yes actually! Slowly. But the fact that we're talking about it at all, esp as a country-- to the point where our surgeon general himself is taking it upon himself to make it a priority this year to improve and implement more social policies-- is a very good thing. More and more ppl are talking about this to the point where you can pull up more and more articles, videos and infographics on the topic itself, when maybe not even 2 years ago, not that many ppl were really discussing anything about this at all.

More ppl are pointing out the lack of Third Places, lamenting the shutdowns of malls and libraries, and cursing at the archaic and racist urban planning and zoning laws that policy makers have implemented before. I feel like the pandemic has done more than just open our eyes to the truly rotten garbage we built this horrible society upon, but it's also given us the tools and vocabulary to finally start real meaningful change.

I feel like before the pandemic so many ppl were bogged down by capitalism. In the mid-2010's we had the wasteful makeup industry and fashion reigned a little too much. We still have clothing hauls, but not many ppl were talking about the sustainability of them at all back in 2015 or 2016 (trust me, I gobbled up clothing haul videos like a demon back then, I would know LMFAO). Now, I see unions forming, more ppl protesting and quitting their shitty jobs, not much talk happening about real societal change, and shitty influencers running rampant.

This pandemic-- in Jordan Peele's own words-- has felt like a bad miracle. A really unfortunate but much-needed wake up call for our country. Now it feels like ppl are really poised and primed to actually bring about change in their own communities, and I've never seen so much reform happening on a wide scale such as this.

Hell, even my own city has strengthened our public transportation a lot this year and I'm really proud of it! I'm sure other cities have also started to implement free fares and a more accessible public transportation experience, due to popular demand. I'm also seeing more benches put back in public spaces, and bus stops being built-- like actual, proper bus stops with a lil roof over the bench and everything!

It is a long and arduous task ahead of us, rebuilding every little thing that decades of racism, ableism and capitalism has destroyed... but I do believe it can be done. I mean, when even young ppl are noticing the complete lack of earnest and genuine connection amongst their peers, calling it a "friendship recession" that's when you know shit's gone wrong and ppl are starting to rise up to make a real change.

It's also bc of all of this that I'm starting to... make some connections to relationship anarchy, and namely aromanticism.

Hear me out, maybe it's bc of the fact that I've recently jumped head first into the aspec community this year, but even last year I was really.... noticing the aspec community even more. There are more discussions surrounding the dismantling of the nuclear family structure lately (I mean it sucks anyways and just doesn't work) and I believe ppl being fed up with the housing crisis and toxic family structures means they're stumbling upon more and more crative ways to anarch-ize their everyday friendships and relationships. This means they're coming across us lil aro and ace beetles that've been hiding under rocks this whole time lol

Even tho ppl aren't using the exact terminology, they are def talking about the exact same woes and troubles we aspecs have, and the lives we live. "Relationship anarchy" in everyday lingo is really just "no label relationships" or "intimate partnerships with no commitment". QPRs are most oftentimes "friends with benefits". "Amanormativity" is often alluded to in convos of heteronormativity, and in Dustin Vuong's case from the last video linked above, sometimes called a "friendship recession".

Ppl are coming across these radical ideas of not only prioritizing friendships when society wants us to settle down with a romantic partner and have cannonfodder for the maws of the capitalistic machine children, but also not even having to live the same ways post-colonialist societies have dictated.

I think I mentioned it before, but it isn't even just economically sound to live under one roof with at least 3 generations of family under it... it's also just plain old common sense to live with family, live with your community. And then for some of us who have been ousted by our families thanks to trauma, homophobia and violence most often thrown at us by an imperialist world, there's the appeal of communes, living with friends and like-minded ppl starting community gardens and thriving together, but still having the privacy of living apart at the same time.

I can't even tell you the many many many times I've gushed with my aspec friends of those Chinese ladies who bought a mansion together so they can retire in (you know the ones!), the way we applaud all non-traditional communal living arrangements. Single moms banding together to raise their kids all in one happy unit, parents with many children building tiny homes for each of them to live in, all arranged in one big tight-knit circle. Apartment units and buildings being slowly taken over by polycules (shoutout Seattle!), ppl being married but also living in different apartments on their own.

Yes, there's the loneliness epidemic, but there isn't any need to go back to the traditional nuclear family structure that we had going before either. If anything, that's really the fuel that was poured on this whole fire and made everything worse. Humans need their alone time sure, but this isolation is killing us slowly. I can see the benefit of having loved ones living close, maybe not sharing a bedroom (cuz that's just too damn close lol) but living in close proximity, sharing a piece of land that they know they can reach their family and friends in.

That's my solution to this whole thing, not tipping the scales over into uncomfy and over-familiar territory but knowing the balance between human connection and occasional solitude. We need a lil bit of both to maintain our mental health after all!

And so like I said, seeing these convos being made, seeing ppl talking earnestly about this whole thing is heartwarming to see. Just seeing the status quo being ripped down, ppl talking at length about the possibility of shaking things up and shedding stifling traditional norms is so refreshing.

It's a long, long battle ahead of us but I do believe we have the willpower to fight it. Just coming up with language and the vocabulary in order to maneuver these topics when communicating with each other is a great start. I've never heard of the loneliness epidemic until this year and it really does truly describe the peril that us social animals are in!

I can't wait to see more innovation being made in my lifetime, and I truly hope there will be way more pro-social plans being put in place by cities, states, hell even this whole country. Maybe that'll all be seen as a bandaid to the Big Problem that is LSC, but I hope it does truly pave the way towards our eventual freedom from these shackles this bitch ass economy has put us in.

After all there aren't such things as unions without UNITY!!